The Cutting Edge

Approximately twenty years ago a fantastic movie was made.  It was called 'The Cutting Edge' and starred the imitable D.B. Sweeney and Moira Kelly.  Sadly, the movie is wildly outdated given it's pre-internet, pre-bagel bites, and pre-pajama jeans time frame.  This updated movie will take place in LA (not that LA) and two unknown actors, M and JC.  The movie begins with the two unhappy stars unhappy with the partner that has been fated to them!

At their first practice, poor M can only stare into space as her coach (notice gratuitous Nordiques hat) tries to think of how to reach her.  "I can't skate with this goon!"  she shouts to no one in particular...

With her back turned, the coach focuses his attention on JC as he relearns to skate after a hit during ice hockey left him in a "Regarding Henry" mode with regards to winter sports.

As in all movies, the pair which seemed such a poor fit, soon find their relationship legs during dates that begin by working in the kitchen...

And ending in bags of multicolored popcorn!

M has seen the merits in a man who cannot skate, but can wear checkered shirts matched with corduroys.  With renewed vigor, they are back on the ice and preparing for the 2014 Winter Games in Sochi, Russia. 

M and JC win the gold medal over the brother-sister pairing of Fairchild and Stranz Van Waldenberg in a huge upset.  They then become spokespersons for EurosForGold.com.  Everyone is happy.  A problem arose during filming, however.  The film stills above appear to indicate that JC and M are world-class skaters.  That is not quite the case, as this leaked behind the scenes video suggests...

Good thing the Olympics aren't until 2014, because it will take at least that long for the two to learn how to skate!